


Bruises come and go

by berryblonde



Series: in our bones (on the balcony) [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Pre-Relationship, at the end there, injuries, there's fluff if you squint hard enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 07:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16445615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berryblonde/pseuds/berryblonde
Summary: After a barfight, Gavin finds himself on his balcony.





	Bruises come and go

**Author's Note:**

> I aplogize to everyone who expected an update for Outliers this week, pls have this continuation fo the In Our Bones (on the balcony) series instead.  
> Huge thank you too [@same-side](https://same-side.tumblr.com) on tumblr for jumping in as a beta for this one, please go and check out her art, it's aabsolutely amazing!  
> Also a thank you to [@cheezpotatoe](http://cheezpotatoe.tumblr.com) who while she couldn't beta this time around was a huge motivation while writing this <3  
> I hope you guys enjoy, and don't forget to tell me your thoughts!

_ August 2 _ _ nd _ _ , 2039 _

Reddish bruises had spread on tanned skin, starting to turn blue and purple already in various places, only to be interrupted by scratches and small, open wounds.

 

A string of curses broke the almost eerie silence of the early August evening as Gavin wrapped clean, white bandages around the knuckles of his left hand, hissing at the stinging pain that shot up his arm.

 

Warmth filled the air surrounding the small balcony, peaceful in an almost ironic way, the sun slowly beginning to descend and make way for the night, a warm orange engulfing the city below him.

 

A rattle was heard as he sifted through the small first aid box by his side, searching for one more band-aid to cover another scratch, only to notice that he had run out of them.

 

There was an almost (but not quite) amused chuckle that erupted at the realization, gaze falling onto the nearly illegible, yellow sticky note that he had taped to the compartment that extra band-aids would normally have been in. Obviously the blame for Gavin’s predicament was to be put on Gilbert; the last of his band-aids had been used up when the gray Maine Coon had decided to attack him with all too sharp claws for getting his breakfast a few minutes late.

 

_ The cat was a prick - there was no denying that _ , he thought as he shook his head. Despite that, Gavin was unable to keep the fond smile off his lips.

 

The regal, gray bastard of a feline had been with him for a few years now, prancing around like he owned the placed and not Gavin, causing trouble left and right, coming and going as he pleased.

 

Gilbert had been a rescue, small and malnourished when he had found him one late autumn night on his way home from a night shift, no collar or chip, meowing sadly at side of the road.

 

He sighed as he continued to rummage through the container, thinking about his first encounter with his asshole of a cat. Tina always liked to say how the pet resembled its owner when the subject of Gilbert came up, but Gavin refused to give her the satisfaction of agreeing with her in any shape or form, instead opting to either ignore the implications in her statement or simply fake a quick and hollow laugh before changing the subject.

 

Truth was, Gavin Reed knew all to well that he was an asshole, the bruises that were blooming on his face right now were proof enough and no amount of pretending or faking would ever change that.

 

Not that he really bothered to hide it, choosing to step on toes and antagonize his co-workers and the people around him if it meant getting ahead of them, the ruthless ambition running in his veins the gasoline to the already scorching fire of his social ineptitude.

 

Impulsive, hot-headed, anger issues. These weren’t the only things people around him, teachers and “friends” and his parents and brother and so many more, had used when describing him when scolding him about his obvious failures, driving the point home and driving it in too deep, only forcing him to prove them right once more by exploding at them.

 

His inability to process and regulate his emotions in ways that weren’t outwardly (or sometimes inwardly) destructive had always been an issue, something that had been building up ever since Gavin could remember, only to break out in those fragile, formative years of his childhood to alienate everyone and anyone who had still been there at that point.

A sour taste filled his mouth on the 2 nd of August, 2039 as his thoughts gained a mind on their own and pulled him back into the past, dull, pulsating pain assaulting his cheeks and knuckles, sharp and stinging where his skin had been torn.

 

The little stool he was sitting on creaked as he shifted around, trying to gauge the damage that had been done to his face once more, contemplating whether or not he should go back inside to get an ice pack for the black eye that started to form before deciding against it, limbs aching and refusing to get up, another wave of pain shooting through his body as he turned his back just a bit too fast, a bit too wrongly.

 

Part of him was almost glad that he didn’t know who the person responsible for his current state was, an unknown face at an unknown bar at a time that was far too early to get anywhere near as drunk as Gavin had wanted to be. It would’ve been all too easy to start burning bridges and pushing those surrounding him away again had it been someone he had known well or had at least been acquainted with.

 

Because fighting with someone your friends know means this someone will eventually snitch, and no matter how it went, no matter how much the tables turned and turned back around and no matter who started and who continued he would end up taking the blame in some form or another - maybe voluntarily, maybe not.

 

Instead, Gavin had been able to rely on an anonymous person, someone who probably had as much pent up rage and frustration threatening to burst out as he did, a walking punching bag like Gavin himself was for the other too. And it made him wonder, chills running down his spine as he followed the train of thought, the sky above him turning from warm orange and red and pink to a colder purple and slowly a dark blue, the city below him glowing softly and yet too brightly, it made him question whether it was actually the act of hurting another person, another living, breathing, feeling being that he desired when the punching bag at the gym became so unappealing, or if it was the pain that his opponent inflicted on him that he craved, a sign that he was alive and kicking, something to get rid of this numbness his conscious mind sometimes fell into when things went over too smoothly for a while, when the calm was too much to bear and he needed to feel for a while, more than he would get from downing cup after cup of black coffee and starting petty arguments with Connor or Hank, when it didn’t matter if the sensation was good or bad, when everything around him was too quiet for the raging storm that tended to overtake his emotions at times like these, a dying want to adapt the numbness of his body and thoughts and everything around him to the tenseness inside of him, nudging him closer towards the edge with every second the discrepancy tormented him with a knowing grin, basking in his pathetic misery.

 

An itch in his throat made itself known, dry coughing forcing Gavin to double over, much to his annoyance.

 

The fit was over after just a few seconds. He shifted in his seat as he glanced up, unable to see any glimmering stars in the sky despite the cloudless August night that had fallen upon him, a breeze carefully caressing his bruised skin. It was comforting in a way; a touch that wasn’t tangible, warmth that wasn't really warm, that was also cold at the same time as it grazed one of his scratches, pain flaring up for a brief moment before it subsided.

 

Calmness surrounded him, made its way into every fiber of his body and mind, overtaking his emotions in the process, shoulders sagging forward as he relaxed. It didn’t feel like the calm before the storm anymore, unlike the past few weeks.

 

The numbness didn’t feel threatening, didn’t feel all-encompassing and frightening, didn’t make him want to fight it off. The dull pain of his injuries still hadn’t subsided yet, was still there to remind him that he was actually here and alive and feeling, allowing himself to fall into it for just a moment.

 

Maybe that was part of his issue with androids.

 

The fact that what he half dreaded and half desperately wished for, to be void of any emotions and pain, to only function and not truly live, was simply what they were, all that made them, no back and forth and hoping and wishing and hurting. The urge to embrace the sensation most often came on the bad days, the horrible ones when no emotion could be contained after his mind had distorted and twisted it to anger, when he had to take blow after blow from the universe until he felt himself longing for a way to put an end to it.

 

And then there were those simple, those mellow days, which, in a way, he loathed even more. When nothing happened, when his consciousness felt all too quiet and even the idea of turning his own gun against himself could be rationalized with the utmost calmness, when the prospect of pulling the trigger seemed neither appealing nor unappealing but simply a possibility among many, a last resort should Gavin decide that he finally had enough of being pushed around by whatever cruel servant of fate was looking down on him with sad pity and an almost sadistic enjoyment of his failures.

 

He couldn’t imagine androids experiencing those, not when they had been made with utter efficiency in mind, had been made to excel and be so far superior to humans. It scared him, it did, and fear always seemed to invoke wrath, corrupting the self-preserving nature of anxiousness and turning it into something far more destructive; whether it was towards himself or others, it didn’t matter.

 

His hatred for androids had somewhat calmed down, sure, but nothing had been enough to steer him away from his wariness, his suspicion, his worry of them taking the only thing he ever had for himself, this thing that he had worked so hard for, from him, thrusting him back into a part of his experience that he never wanted to relive, that gut-wrenching and soul-destroying feeling of being utterly useless, wandering around aimlessly and without direction because everything he could have had, could have hoped for had been taken away.

 

Gavin gritted his teeth, eyes slowly wandering over the now dark balcony over to the flat next to his, jaw tensing up as he thought about his new neighbor, unpleasant warmth filling him, burning annoyance and frustration building up inside.

 

The android had moved in next to him by sheer coincidence, an undeniably cruel one but one nonetheless, and, of course, with Gavin’s fucking luck they had ended up sharing a balcony.

 

Had Connor been anyone else, Gavin would’ve long since offered pleasantries, even if perhaps only superficial ones such as sharing one of his cigarettes on a warm summer evening while discussing cases, or carpooling to work, not wasting any more precious electricity and therefor money by each of them taking their own cars. Enough to appear friendly and amicable but not enough to truly give any illusion of a budding friendship.

 

As of right now, he wasn’t even sure whether the plastic prick  _ had _ his own car. Connor always seemed to leave for work before he did and arrive back at his, no, their, he thought with utter disdain, apartment complex.

That fact alone had oftentimes been enough to make his blood boil, to make him resent the android even more. It had grown colder now, not as hot and angry and raging as it used to be. A warm, simmering dislike whenever he had to see Connor’s stupidly perfect face and see him work so grotesquely efficiently served as a constant reminder that if he truly wanted to, and if the higher-ups so desired, it would have been easy for the android to just take his job away from him.

 

With another curse under his breath he fumbled around in his pocket before pulling out an almost empty pack of cigarettes, taking one of them between his calloused fingers, six remaining. His hand moved up to his mouth and he closed his lips around it in an automated movement, one born out of the habit of years, flicking open his lighter while shielding the flame with his hand.

 

The first drag that filled his lung felt like utter relief, the bitter taste of nicotine on his tongue chasing away those ugly thoughts of jealousy and self-loathing for a few seconds as he inhaled deeply.

 

Light, gray smoke stood in stark contrast to the almost black night sky, drenching him in darkness. He had thought about quitting before, more than once, had contemplated and tried, sometimes for himself and sometimes for previous partners. Not that any of those relationships had lasted longer than two or three months. No, somehow he had always ended up fucking it up.

 

Sometimes it had been his job, and Gavin clearly remembered the affront and betrayal on one of his ex-boyfriend’s faces when he had refused to put their relationship above work. Two days later, he had left.

 

Other times it had been his outburst of anger and sadness and everything in between that had scared them away, his inability to work out conflicts in a healthy manner and his refusal to work on it, his utter disinterest in getting better for their sake. Some had seen a sort of project in him, helping the grumpy Detective with the tragic backstory like this was some sort of corner store romance novel full of wish fulfillment fantasies.

 

The guy had given up quickly upon realizing that Gavin Reed had no interest in being saved by some quirky, all too optimistic and naïve boyfriend who didn’t love him, didn’t care for him, but was attached to the idea of what he was and what he could be.

 

Thinking about it, this wasn’t even the first time he had ended up sitting here, face bruised and cigarette in hand, contemplating life in the stupidest ways possible. Light, barely visible scars littering his face and body were proof of too many battles fought and lost, reminding him of memories he’d rather forget every time he looked into the mirror when brushing his teeth in the early morning, with the most prominent one sitting on top of his nose, itching whenever he came too close to remembering his brother, whenever he saw the billboards and posters advertising his brother’s flawless creations.

 

It wouldn’t take long for the bruises and cuts to fade again, Gavin thought as he flicked his thumb against the cigarette between his fingers, ashes dancing around each other in a whirling motion as they fell to the ground. They would disappear soon, perhaps not even leave scars this time, and maybe he would be able to forget the whole ordeal in a few weeks - only to be sporadically reminded of it when he walked past the bar, maybe entering it to repeat this evening’s event once more, maybe choosing the sensible option for once and walking past it and going home.

 

But Gavin doubted he would be able to completely obliterate it from his mind, had hoped so far too many times with far too few successes.

 

The sound of a door sliding open tore him out of his thoughts, head snapping back to the source of the noise almost violently.

 

Of course. Of course, just this moment the fucking android had to come home from work where he had no doubt accomplished more in a few hours than Gavin had in the past few days and just today he had to decide to step out onto the balcony when all Gavin had wanted was to be left the fuck alone by him.

 

Part of him wanted nothing more than to simply refuse looking at the android after the first, initial glance, pretending he didn’t exist and bask in blissful ignorance for as long as he could, acting as if Connor’s presence went entirely unnoticed to him, didn’t bother him.

 

His stubborn pride ended up losing to his curiosity as he saw the blue cooling pack in the android’s hand, LED blinking yellow and sheepishly looking at him, almost shy but also somewhat determined.

 

Gavin often liked to believe that the being in front of him right now was lifeless, a hollow shell only appearing to have any semblance of emotions, but the expression on Connor’s face made it harder for him than it should have been.

 

A few moments of tense silence went by as the two of them stared at each other, Connor uncomfortably shifting on his feet and Gavin throwing challenging glances towards the other, daring him to speak up and get the fuck away from him again.

 

Realizing that Connor seemed to wait for  _ him _ to initialize any sort of conversation, Gavin sighed and took another drag from his cigarette, purposefully exhaling the smoke in Connor’s direction to try and get a rise out of him before he started talking.

 

“What the fuck do you want, asshole?” For good measure, he started impatiently tapping his foot on the reddish tiles of the balcony, signaling to Connor that he really wasn’t in the mood for any small talk or whatever bullshit the android had in mind.

 

They had talked before, sure, once or twice even in a civil manner when catching each other in the hallway when Gavin had been too tired and exhausted to snap at him, other times bickering and throwing insults. Somehow, in a strange way he appreciated Connor talking back to him when he mocked the android.

 

“I just arrived home from work and noticed that you were injured. I decided to bring you an ice pack since I didn’t see one with you here. I hope I am not making you uncomfortable, Detective?”

 

Something unpleasant, something he couldn’t quite define started boiling up inside of Gavin once more, teeth clenching as he regarded the earnest and sincere expression on the android’s face.

 

After all that he had done and said, Connor still wanted to play nice? Somehow that made him resent the other even more, made him want to yell at Connor to stick his fucking help where light couldn’t reach and to just fuck off with his feigned care.

 

But instead, he didn’t. Maybe it was because of the exhaustion that had taken over his mind all of the sudden, making him want to believe that someone actually gave a damn about him - even if it was Connor.

 

“And why the fuck would you do that?” He asked curiously, ignoring the last part of the android’s statement.

 

“I simply care about the well-being of all of my colleagues. If I have offended you with that in any way, I can—”

 

“Oh shut the fuck up,” Gavin interrupted him, unable to stand any more of the android’s diplomatic tone.

 

“Can you for once stop being so fucking polite and say what you actually want to say? I know you hate my guts, shit’s mutual, you really don’t need play nice when no one is around. It’s not like I’m gonna snitch to fucking Fowler.”

 

Connor’s LED shifted from yellow to red for a split second before it settled on its previous color again. Gavin wasn’t even sure why he was paying attention to it.

 

“Contrary to what you might believe,  _ Detective _ , I don’t hate you. While I don’t think you to be the most pleasant person to be around, I don’t despise you. I respect you for your ambition and skill in the workplace, which means extending the same courtesy to you as I would to all other injured colleagues. If you so desire I can leave, but I’m not here to mock or insult you for whatever lead to harm coming your way, even if you might believe that,” Connor stated firmly, eyes fixated on Gavin in an intense stare as if he was trying to make Gavin believe him with the sheer willpower of his mind.

 

What Connor had said had taken him aback a bit, a surprised expression working its way into his face. Before he could change his mind he dropped his cigarette, only slightly mourning the fact that he didn’t smoke it down completely, and reached out towards the android, motioning for him to hand over the ice pack.

 

A soft smile appeared on Connor’s face as he did so, LED flickering yellow a few more times before changing to blue.

 

“Thank you for your cooperation, Detective.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Thanks I guess.”

 

Gavin’s gaze wandered over to Connor, the ice pack now firmly pressed against where his black eye was forming.

 

“What? Don’t you wanna like, leave? Don’t you have some weird android shit to do?” He snarled upon noticing that Connor was still looking at him.

 

With a shrug, Connor plopped down onto the floor next to him, legs gracefully crossed in a way that shouldn’t be possible for his undignified seating place. Whoever had dared to make him so stupidly perfect had evoked Gavin’s wrath for all eternity. Things would have been a lot easier had Connor been human. The android was a real piece of eye candy, and Gavin was man enough to admit it. Not just his exterior, but also the personality he seemed to have developed were so utterly appealing and absolutely Gavin’s type that it just made him all the more angry.

 

Had Connor been human, Gavin was completely sure that he would have at least given it a shot and tried to ask him out the second he saw him. He had thought about it for a moment when they had first met, only to notice the pulsating LED on his temple, and his plans had gone down the drain.

 

“Actually, I don’t,” Connor said after a pause, causing Gavin to roll his eyes. This was far too casual for the two of them, far too much as if they were actually colleagues.

 

For a while, they sat there in silence. No matter how much Gavin loathed to admit it, it wasn’t uncomfortable, the dull throbbing of his cheek against the cooling pack constantly on the back of his mind. The other’s presence, while unexpected, wasn’t as bad as he had anticipated, not with Connor simply sitting there as if waiting for something, staring down at the city below them.

 

“Gavin,” he suddenly spoke up, turning back to the Detective.

 

“Yeah?” It came out more as a grumble, barely intelligible.

 

“I know you don’t like me, or any androids for that matter, and I’m sure you have your reasons. Don’t worry, I won’t pry. But I know that there’s more to Gavin Reed than that. I hope this is not weird, but it has been on my mind for a while.

 

I’d like to understand what is behind the front you always put up at work, but I’m not going to pressure you. Please just give yourself the chance to change your mind about some things and see that maybe, you will be all the happier for it.”

 

Connor’s gaze as he stood up was piercing, and suddenly Gavin felt extremely vulnerable and exposed, unsure how to react. The android had sounded so much more human all of the sudden, less of a result of his programming and much more genuine. He didn’t understand why Connor seemed to think the way he did, but right now, he was too baffled to try and twist it to something more sinister or threatening.

 

“Please return the ice pack to me when you no longer require it. You know where to find me.”

 

With that, he turned around, not sparing any last glances for an utterly confused Gavin, and entered his own apartment, the door closing with a creak.

 

Gavin watched him leave before he leaned his head back against the wall, feeling the dull ache as his skull met the concrete, before inhaling deeply, unsure what to make of the situation.

 

The slow pain of where his skin had been bruised and torn seemed to become more present, to fight its way to the forefront of his mind.

 

Maybe it was actually time for a change, he thought with a humorless smile. Maybe he was actually sick of existing like this.

  
  


A few days later, an ice pack was placed on Connor’s desk. Someone had taped a sticky-note to it, without a signature or a name. The only thing on it appeared to be six words in scribbly handwriting, smudged and hasty as if it had been written in a hurry.

 

_ Okay. Meet me on the balcony. _

 

Connor smiled. Mission accomplished.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to drop by and talk to me on tumblr [@unacceptable-bisexual](https://unacceptable-bisexual.tumblr.com), or join the [convin discord server](https://discord.gg/93AUA7B)! I'm always happy to hear from you guys <3


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